Wings of angels

So today I am 5 days out. It doesn't really seem to be getting easier, maybe just a little more dull. Which really isn't always a good thing I guess. I have learned from being a hairstylist that it hurts a lot less to cut yourself with a sharp pair of shears than a dull one. So now I have this dull, sort of throbbing pain in the pit of my stomach. Its not one I ever expected to endure, but I am just continuing to hold on to the thought that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.... Hope that's true.

Anyways I heard this song on the radio that almost made me smile today.

From: http://www.musicbabylon.com

"Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe.

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me."

Now granted I don't know that my little Peanut was a she, but this song just made me feel as tho he was sing about me and to me. My Peanut is in heaven saying "I love you mommy! Don't worry about me! I'm having a BLAST up here! Can't wait to see you some day!" and Like I said... It came close to making me smile. 

As for the rest of my day... It pretty well sucked! Lance had to go back to work today and it was the first day that I have been without him and I came to find that he is most of what was keeping me so strong. He has been a source of strength for me this last week. Not to say he has kept me from crying, but just knowing that there was someone that lost as much as I had somehow seemed to help a lot. I honestly don't really know how I would have made it through without him! 

Anywho... I guess that is about enough rambling for one night. Good night everyone, and as always... I love you Peanut!