Well this week has gone WAY more smoothly than I dreamed it would. I kinda had the feeling that I would go back to work and people would want to talk and give me their sympathies and all of that and that each one of those would bring me to tears and that I would never be able to recover and make it thru those days. But that has not been the case at all. I have been to work and had conversations about my situation and was strong and had no tears, while I remembered that my little Peanut is in the correct place.
I will say this: After all this that I have gone and persevered through I have not let the loss of my little Peanut be in vain. I have found that unconsciously I have spent more one on one time with my kids, and more QUALITY time with my kids. I have thoroughly ENJOYED the time that I get to spend with my kids more than I used to. I had reached a point in my life where it was just a part of my life. Where it was nothing unordinary to be mommy. It was just a part of everyday life. Take the kids to school, go to work, pick up kids, come home, dinner, kids' bath, shower, rinse, repeat. I don't think that I have truly cherished be a mom this much since Lilly's surgery, IF I cherished it this much then. God has found a way to turn this horrible tragedy into a huge blessing in my life. Into a turning point. I pray that from this point in my life, I am never the mother that I was before this. I never want to be the mother that takes for granted that I have a child. Because there are tons of women out there who go through what I did that never ends up with a child in the end. There should be NO greater blessing in the world than being a mother besides being a Child of God!
Thank you God for my children and the blessing that they are in my life. They give my life more meaning and fulfillment than I ever knew that it could have. To have someone RUN to meet you at the door or cry because you left their bedside at night without sugars! Help me to NEVER forget how special they are and how much they mean to me! Amen!
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. -James 1:2-4
This has been my favorite verse since Lilly Grace was in the NICU. It has brought me through many struggles and now has even more meaning in my heart!
Love you Peanut!
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