One day at a time...

Actually I suppose the title of this should be one breath at a time... There is no easy way about losing a child, no matter how small. It takes lots of crying, lots of grieving, and lots that I haven't even gotten to yet I'm sure. I'm still in the crying stage. Now I know that lots of people who haven't had to deal with a thing such as this would say "Don't cry. Peanut is with the Lord." Yeah but when you lose a family member, even if they are a christian and you know they are in heaven, don't you cry? Don't you grieve? Now of course its probably 95% selfishness in just wanting them back here with you... But imagine loving someone like someone that you lost... Someone that you had the opportunity to spend many years with and make many memories with... Now imagine loving someone THAT much, but you never actually got to meet them. So, now, you not only want them here, but you want to get to meet them for the first time. This notion is so difficult to explain to someone who has never been pregnant (or had a spouse that was pregnant with your child). Its hard to understand how you can TRULY love someone SO much that you haven't actually even laid eyes on. But it's so easy. I loved my Peanut as much as I love my children that I still possess here on this Earth and have met and spent COUNTLESS hours with. I wish that there was some way to convey how much my Peanut means to me. But there isn't. I can't plaster pictures all over FB of all the fun times we had together. Of all the memories that we made together. I can only think of my sweet little baby and remember the 2 tiny pictures I have. Those brief 6 weeks are all I get of my Peanut in this life. But I rest in the knowledge that my little Peanut is up in heaven smiling down on me and resting in great company. Rest in Peace sweet Peanut. We will all see you and celebrate with you and the Angels one day. Love, Mommy.